Chest jataka

Once Jah Buddha sat under his tree and told his disciples about the logic of infinite non-existence. One disciple asked him: "Well, okay... If nothing really exists and ganja helps us to understand that... But ganja itself exists or not?" Jah Buddha answered him: "In fact, ganja doesn't exist anymore, because we smoked it all up." But the disciple still was pestering him: "What if I go and buy a dime?" Jah Buddha told: "Y'know, it would be a good thing to do. But you will only find out how illusive the ganja is, because here are a lot of us and your mere dime will cease to exist as 1-2-3." The disciple told: "Well, in this case, I'll bring an ounce." Then, Jah Buddha told: "Stop the bullshit. You don't have enough money to buy a whole ounce." The disciple told: "You bet - I'll bring it! I know the place where they can give it to me for free just because I'm a good guy." Jah Buddha told: "Why bet? Bring it, if you can. Let's see, does it exist or not."

The disciple got up and went to the darkness with a distinctive step. Jah Buddha followed him with his eyes and told: "Listen, brethren, this dude not only in this life was so persistent and clinging to his illusions. Once upon a time, a three-eyed ogre lived. He was, in fact, a smart guy, but quite a metrosexual: he loved everything beautiful. Once he saw a beautiful princess and stole her immediately. The question is, what could he even do with her - she's that small so he can't pull her even on his little finger? But she's so beautiful! He put her in his palace to admire her. When being away on his business trips he was always putting her into a golden chest and swallowing the chest. When coming back he was spitting the chest out."

Once, they flied to the sea in this manner: princess inside, ogre outside. At the sea, the ogre let her out of the chest and went swimming and the princess was splashing in the shallow water, because not all princesses are really into swimming, especially with such a three-eyed monster. In meantime, a winged warrior flied by. The princess just winked at him and pointed to the chest. He got the hint and dived under its lid immediately. At this time, the ogre returned from the sea and asked: "Did you have enough of swimming, my treasure?" The princess just nodded assent and climbed into the chest ASAP. The ogre gulped the chest and just going thru the forest.

Now, he saw his friend hermit. The ogre told him: "Hello to you, wise man." The hermit told: "Hello to you, three-eyed ogre, and to those two inside of you." The ogre was astonished: "But who is the second one?" Voice from inside answered: "It's me, the winged warrior. If you, big scarecrow, won't let me out ASAP, I will cut you open from inside and go out by myself." The ogre immediately understood that he got into a hot water. He spitted away the chest - and the warrior jumped away from it in a flash with the princess, and soared above the sky, where the ogre won't be able to reach him. Yoink! There was a beauty - and there is no beauty! You, probably, already understand that those times our friend who went for an ounce was the three-eyed ogre, the princess from the previous tale was the princess, the wise crocodile was the winged warrior (after that, he was exiled into crocodiles for an adultery), and I was the wise man myself, because who else? Let's smoke some more and bye-bye."

The favorite disciple Ananda told to Jah Buddha: "But what should we smoke, teacher, if the ganja doesn't really exist?" Jah Buddha answered to him: "Well, we do not exist, either. Nothing exists at all. We will smoke Chesterfield - don't consider it an ad, because those cigs are really sucks but they are most tolerable among cheap ones. Let's smoke Chesterfield indeed, and I'm passing out."

English translation: (c) juzy http://juzy.livejournal.com